On my first day of kindergarten, my mother gave me some guidance about how to make a friend. It was the same thing that her own mother had told her when she was a child.

The advice was: “To make a friend, look for a girl who’s more scared and upset than you. Then say hello and ask if you can be friends. She’ll be so happy about it that she’ll be your friend.”

I followed the instructions, and they “worked.” At 5, I learned to make friends by pushing down my feelings and helping them with theirs. (This self-suppression skill came in handy in both the doomsday cult of childhood and the hustle culture of adulthood.)

But what if instead I’d heard that it was OK to feel afraid? Or if I’d been encouraged to go toward someone I liked, someone who was kind?

So many of us had families, churches, and communities who taught that being a “good person” meant sacrificing ourselves. But what if that wasn’t true? What if there was a better way to live?

As a seasoned purpose coach of nearly 8 years, I’ve worked with hundreds of people who struggle to prioritize themselves.

Out of all the emails I’ve sent over the past year, here’s the most popular subject line: “Would you recognize covert abuse?”

This is telling. Often we don’t recognize covert abuse from others, because: 1) we’ve been taught to value their needs above our own, and 2) we are consistently covertly abusive toward ourselves. 

As a recovering perfectionist, I’ve tried so hard to be “good” that I’ve neglected myself. (Overwhelm, frustration, and self-sabotage follow.) So I would try to “put myself first,” but it would backfire, because I felt so guilty!

So, how do we actually take back our time and energy without the huge guilt? This class is the how. It’s designed to give you practical guidance in prioritizing yourself.

This is the moment you stop chasing and start becoming.

This summer, I took a long-awaited trip to Scotland. It was a wonderful week with dear friends. As pictured, I even went for a spontaneous swim in a frigid loch!

Yet Past Caroline would have let fear and false guilt stop her from going. (My kids missed me! My husband was solo parenting! My business was on pause!) But thanks to the process I’ll teach you in class, I had an amazing adventure.

Often we fear that prioritizing ourselves means that our relationships will suffer. I used to worry about that too! It can feel risky to love yourself first. But my experience is that when I prioritize myself, my relationships get better.

You see, we’re all connected. When we have more energy and more joy, our people feel it and benefit from it.

Dear reader, rest assured: You learning to prioritize yourself is the kindest thing you can do for yourself and everyone else.

If you want to make decisions without the guilt, free up hours in your week so you can actually enjoy your life, and create space for what lights you up, this class is for you.

If you’re ready to make a real shift and you just need great support and strategy, join me on Wednesday, November 5th starting at 12pm CST.

Class runs for one hour, and it is interactive; come prepared to engage, complete coaching exercises, and ask questions. To ask a question in advance, email me at caroline[AT]carolinegarnetmcgraw[DOT]com.

If you can’t attend live, rest assured that registration gets you replay access as well.

This group session is a powerful starting point — and if you’re ready to go further, I’ll share how we can work together going forward.