I had my first anxiety attack in the first grade, when the teacher returned my paper with See Me written in red ink instead of the usual Excellent. That perceived failure felt so devastating, I almost couldn’t breathe. What causes perfectionism in a child that young? What makes a six year old to get that stressed out? What causes perfectionism? The root cause of perfectionism is very simple: it's fear. Perfectionism arises because when we were small, we didn't feel protected or loved unconditionally. At some point early on, we learned to be afraid. At its core, perfectionism is just...
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Whenever I run across one of those productivity-culture articles about how to master your time, gain control of your life, and develop a perfect 5-year plan, I always think about whether or not the author has "been through in it" yet. Have they ever had an unexpected disaster wreck their best-laid plans? Have they ever sat in silence, stunned by a betrayal? Have they ever mourned a devastating loss, thinking, "My life is falling apart" ...? If you have, then you know: It changes you. Maybe for you it was losing a loved one through death, divorce, or dementia. Maybe...
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I used to have so much trouble spending money "just for me." It had nothing to do with how hard I worked, or how much I had in the bank. Back when I was an undergraduate at Vassar College, I worked three jobs, volunteered, and tithed hundreds of dollars to my cultic church...yet I couldn't pull the trigger on a $15 gift for myself. Self denial was ingrained into me at an early age, and by that point, it felt like safety. Before I graduated, I wanted to buy a coffee mug from my favorite cafe, but I just couldn't...
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